Home help, life stories and friendship

“In a very short time Penny has become a friend rather than a 'helper/carer to my Mum. She's upbeat and friendly, willing to help, listen, and offer support and assistance in any way she can and extremely flexible with her time and planning.

Communication with the family is also brilliant, so much more than the regular 'agencies'. I wouldn't hesitate to recommend her to anyone.”

For the past few months I have been honoured to be part of this family’s lives. The mum lived in Hook and the son a long drive away. He found my website and called to explain the situation. His mum was struggling with the death of her husband and the responsibility of living alone. He was visiting regularly but looking for some backup for the weeks that he couldn’t get up here. We all met together the next time he was in Hook to have a chat about what they needed and how I could help.

We had a chat and a cup of tea and talked about all sorts of things and she decided that she would like to give it a go. It can be hard for us all to ask for help and to accept that we might need some help, even if that is just moral support. I always take the time to meet people, with no charge, so that they can get to know me and talk about what they need and how I can help.

Over the next few weeks I came to see her every Wednesday and it became a focal point in her week. I helped with some practical tasks like cleaning the bits around the house that she was struggling with, helping to make the oven work, and a trip to the hospital, but mainly I was some company.

She talked about her whole family from when she was little to the birth of her children and their whole lives, telling me all about her grandchildren and great grandchildren. She also talked about the loss of her husband and the aching gap he had left behind. As she got to know me she talked openly about the last few months and days of his life and how difficult it was living without him, but also saying how lucky she was to have had so many adventures and how lucky she is to have such a lovely family. When she felt a bit down she would just take herself off for a walk outside and would remind herself how she was lucky to be able to do that.

She talked a lot about the joy of having her babies and the times they had when they were little. I heard all about the close knit community with a big family network all living close by. She told me about all the grandchildren, revelling in their successes and their happiness, and every email or phone call from them. She showed me photos and emails and this became her point in the week to reflect on what she had done over the past week, who she had talked to and what was coming up.

Every week she told me that she was making me tea in her husband’s special mug, which touched my heart (and imagine how carefully I carried that mug!). We would have a biscuit and talk about everything that was happening in her life at the moment, or what was on her mind about the past or the future.

She shared openly her grief for both her husband and oldest son. She talked about their whole lives and their families, the good times as well as the sadness. She shared her worries for her family and we talked about mindfulness and I taught her some meditation which she said helped and she practised it on her own and told me that it was soothing.

I feel very honoured to have had a glimpse into her world and her family. I feel like I know her brothers and their families. I have seen the war records of relatives and children’s drawings and cards from right now. I love hearing stories about the past and have to admit that I shed a tear or two over people who I will never meet.

Recently she has made the decision to move closer to her son and our time together has come to an end. She is so happy to be relieved of the responsibility of managing her own home and delighted to be closer to her family. She is excited about the move to the seaside and the chance to meet more people in her own situation. As we discuss the plans for packing and moving, she has no idea how much I will miss these weekly chats and the updates on people I have never met and the stories from the times long gone.

Ever glamorous, even in her late eighties, she thought she would like to be in my photos for my leaflets and so in this small way she will stay with me as I stay here and she moves on.